In my first blog post ever, I want to share a piece I wrote for my book, Everything You'll Ever Need, about learning to love yourself. I wrote this piece because there seems to be so much emphasis on the importance of self-love, but it can be hard to find ways that you can learn it and practice it.
Self-love is often passed off as being something easy to achieve, when in reality, I believe that it's a process that takes time, practice and lots of vulnerability. It's not always as easy as waking up one day and deciding that you love and accept yourself. Self-worth has been a struggle for me since I was in my early 20s and it held me back at times from many opportunities that would have been so good for me. I truly saw how much my life changed once I began to accept, appreciate and love the person I am. This encouraged me to write a piece about my own personal journey with self-love, and some of the steps I took to find it. I'm hopeful that something I've written in this post helps someone else on their own journey.
Don’t trust how you look at yourself when you are feeling down.
You are beautiful and you are strong.
Don’t let a moment of weakness change that.
LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELF
Distance yourself from the people that make you feel like you’re not good enough, even if it’s your boyfriend or best friend—you know deep down in your heart if someone isn’t good for you, so live your truth.
Don’t say yes when you want to say no. Respect yourself enough to say no when you know you don’t want to do something—trying to please everyone will only set you back.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Just stop. Everyone has their own journey, and you could be comparing your life to someone you actually know nothing about. Live your own life at your own pace. Remember that you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, and you might be aspiring to be someone that may not love themselves or their life at all.
Let yourself feel before you heal. Try to understand all of your feelings and then accept them. If you need more clarity, try writing it down on a piece of paper. Know that it’s okay to have these feelings, and don’t punish yourself for it. Once you give yourself the time to understand your mindset, you will begin to heal.
Celebrate your wins, no matter how small. You may not have done everything you needed to, but you got through something you have been putting off for a while. Focus on the fact that you achieved something you have been avoiding, and save the rest for tomorrow. You did what you could, and it was enough.
Be kind to yourself. Don’t put yourself down. Don’t let one negative thought become the way you feel about yourself. Try to turn a negative into a positive; watch how quickly your mindset can change from actively trying to be more positive about yourself.
Take care of yourself. Go for more walks, find something that you enjoy, something that makes you feel good about yourself, and try and do it a few times a week. Try to turn old, bad habits into new ones that are good for you.
Think about the people you spend time with. Are they toxic? Do they bring you down? Do you feel like you are worth more than the way they make you feel? It might be time to evaluate the kind of people you are surrounding yourself with and align yourself with people that lift you up and appreciate you. Also unfollow people on social media that make you feel like you need to look a certain way or you are constantly comparing yourself to. It’s called self-preservation, and it’s powerful.
Learn to stand up for yourself. Take control of a situation when you feel like you are being taken advantage of. It might be uncomfortable at first, but once you start to stand up for yourself you will learn to respect yourself so much more over time.
Understand that loving yourself is a process. It’s not going to happen overnight. Be patient with yourself, and give yourself the time you need to heal and grow to love who you are on the inside and on the outside. Don’t let anyone stand in the way of the person you are becoming.
To be free
You must first learn
to love yourself.
Prints about Self-Love and Self-Worth
I hope that you take something positive away from this piece, and I'd love to hear from anyone who has their own lessons on self-love, or tips to find and accept yourself. Please leave me a comment below.
Charlotte xx
Valin
Thank u for the insight,will use in my life
Scarlett
I appreciate so much all your words, thank you!
Lisa
Thank you so much for sharing, Charlotte. You do hear about the importance of self-love, though you’ve no blueprint or road map to assist in your commencing the journey. It seems to be something you have to figure out for yourself. That has left me quite lost.
Your post has meaningful and helpful information, it’s inspiring and gives me hope that I can achieve my goal of self-love and self-acceptance one day. You’ve shown me the way and now I have a definite idea of what it is I need to aspire. Much gratitude to you.
Patricia
Hi Charlotte,
Thank you for this heartwarming post. I recently ended a 3-year relationship because I wanted to focus on myself. He immediately started talking to someone else and that really made me feel insecure. I tried to listen to myself and figure why I wanted to end the relationship in the first place and I realized that it was because he always made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. The whole time I thought there was something wrong with me and I thought he was just trying to look out for me, but no. He never supported me in doing the things I wanted to do and even told me that I will fail. He had low self-esteem and he really brushed that on me. I was depressed and always question myself. I wanted to get better but he was the only person stopping me from getting better. Now, I’m glad someone finally took him away from me. I’m slowly working on getting myself back again and I promise that I will never let anyone make me feel that way again.
Jen
Hi Charlotte,
Thank you so much for this post. I’m exhausted by my low self esteem, lack of confidence and general anxiety and worry over ‘not being good enough’. You’re so right that learning to love yourself is not easy. It isn’t just down to allowing yourself have a pamper night or finding some happiness in exercise or another hobby, and I really needed to see that the struggle to love yourself is so real in general and not just something I’m failing to achieve. I’m certainly trying but I’m definitely in the middle of allowing myself to feel before I can heal, which is hard and makes the ability to self love seem far in the distance, & its tiring because of little barriers I have to face before be able to get to that point. Just reading through the blog post and your prints has helped, & I will without a doubt be ordering your book when possible. It’s nice to know despite how difficult it is, you have managed to get there and accept your importance.
Jen